


Siri Play Do You Like Waffles

by nabisco



Category: Homestuck
Genre: 2010s, Alternate Universe - High School, Anachronistic, Bo Burnham-Centric Anachronisms, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Cosplay, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, F/M, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, High School, Humanstuck, Implied Sexual Content, Kinda, M/M, POV Alternating, POV Second Person, Pesterlog(s) (Homestuck), School Dances, Sexuality Crisis, Slow Burn, Slurs, Texting, Wrestling, anticapitalistic ideas, cosplayer au, cosplayer meulin, damara is kind of a fujoshi but this is written by a gay guy so, emo aranea, fuckboy cronus, goth kurloz, idk man this took ages tho, jock horuss, kind of, leetspeak cause its 20 fucking 10, nerd porrim, new kid kankri, not everyone is woke cause its 2010, not reallyyyy its just kinda mentioned, oh so many plot holes, once - Freeform, only a couple times and theyre all reclaimed, plot holes, punk rufioh, queen bee meenah, scene latula, scene mituna, shes also wlw tho, slow ish at least, various other refernces, weeb rufioh, wrestling (the sport) used as a plot device to advance a romance, yugioh references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:28:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27960800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nabisco/pseuds/nabisco
Summary: this is kinda just a self-indulgent fic where the alpha trolls are in high school and a bunch of them are cosplayers! this is pretty much just me yearning but. yeah enjoy! (warning for use of the f slur!)
Relationships: (mainly cronkri tho), Cronus Ampora/Kankri Vantas, Meenah Peixes/Aranea Serket, Meulin Leijon/Kurloz Makara, Mituna Captor/Latula Pyrope, Porrim Maryam/Damara Megido, Rufioh Nitram/Horuss Zahhak
Comments: 6
Kudos: 15





	1. Firestar Doesn't Like Waffles

Your name is Kankri Vantas. You fiddle with the edge of your sweater vest as you walk towards the school. It seems like a fortress to you, filled with enemies you don’t know how to face. It’s your first day of junior year, in a town you don’t know, and to top it all off, you’re a year younger than everyone else.(You skipped kindergarten.)

The ringing of the bell snaps you out of your anxiety, and you rushe to your first class. No sense in being late on one’s first day, after all.

You just barely make it before the last bell rings, and you quietly slide into a seat near the back. The girl next to you waves at you and smiles, and you notice that she’s wearing cat ears and a tail.

“Hey, y’all, my name’s Ms. Lalonde, but you can call me whatever. Just don’t call me late for dinner, haha!” She pauses. “Nah, I’m usually late for dinner anyways.” She laughs a little and takes a swig from her travel mug. “Don’t worry, gang, it’s not alcohol! Nah, I kicked that habit ages ago. Just coffee for ole miss Rose!” She pauses and takes another sip. 

You shift a bit in you seat. Shouldn’t teachers be more professional around their students? Well, perhaps it’s just her teaching style. You decide to reserve any judgements of her character until later, lest you come off problematic.

Rose-no-Ms. Lalonde turns towards her class and smiles. “Oh, right! I’ll be your English teacher for the year! Although I know most of you from last year-” A couple kids smile and nod. “-we actually have a new student this year!” All eyes turn to you. Shit.

She gestures towards you. “Care to introduce yourself? Just your name’s fine, don’t wanna make you uncomfortable or anything.” Too late, but she doesn’t need to know that.

You clear your throat. “Erm. My name is Kankri Vantas. Er. I’m new here.” You sit down quickly, attracting a couple of snickers from the class. The catgirl (?) smiles at you as you look at your feet.

“Great to meetcha, Kankri! Hope you enjoy it here in Haddonfield! Now that that’s out of the way, whaddya say we actually learn something this year?”

You perk up in your seat. Learning! This was more your speed. As you begin to write down the curriculum, a piece of paper lands squarely on your notebook. You unfold it to reveal neat loopy handwriting in green pen.

“Hey Kankree! (I hope i spelled that right lolz :3 Haiii!! Im meulin! (da catgirl next to u lolz) u seem super kewl! Do u wanna sit with me and my friendz at lunch today? Meet me outside of room 413 at lunch if u do!! I purrrromise were kewl! (heehee get it? lolz”

The amount of “lolz” almost makes you ignore the note, but considering that you know no one, you decide to at least respond. 

“Hello Meulin. My name is actually spelled Kankri, but that’s quite alright. Thank you very much for your kind offer! I believe I’ll take you up on it. I apologize if I am intruding on your pre-established group dynamic, I sincerely don’t wish to cause any problems!”

You clumsily flick the note back to Meulin and resume taking notes. You sneak a glance at her and she’s smiling profusely. A couple of seconds later, the paper returns to your desk once more.

“Yay omggg!! I’m sooooo excited for u to meet efurry-one! Theyll luv u i purrrromise! Lolzz! Dont worry about intruding were always happy to welcome new peeps!! lolz!! See u at lunch!! :3”

Goodness. The grammar she uses is an embarrassment to the English language. But at least someone’s talking to you. That’s better than you’d thought this day was going to go. 

The rest of your morning classes pass without much fanfare. Your favorite class so far is biology. The teacher, Ms. Harley, is a nice woman, who seems to be both 70 and 20 years old at the same time. You think it’s probably the gray hair. 

You sneak a look at your map, trying your best to locate Room 413, where you’re supposed to meet Meulin.

By the time you get there, she’s not alone. She’s talking to a tall punk guy with an orange fauxhawk, and a short girl next to them is scribbling angrily into her notebook.

You stand awkwardly to the side of them, waiting for Meulin to see you. Eventually the punk guy taps her shoulder and points you out to her. Her face lights up.

“Oh my gosh! Kankri, you came!” She flings her arms around your shoulders and you tense up. You’re not used to people touching you so spontaneously. She seems to sense this and pulls away. 

“Sorry, I should have asked. I just got soooo excited! New person in the group!” She bounces a little on her feet and beams.

“Er, uh. Thank you. Um. It’s really nice of you to invite me to lunch. I kind of assumed no one would want to talk to me, being new and all.”

Meulin nods. “Yeah, I figured that too. Which is why I invited you! Don’t want you to be lonely! Plus, the more, the merrier!”

She and the rest of the group start walking towards where you remember the courtyard being, and you jog a bit to catch up. She’s a good few inches taller than you, which isn’t unusual for you. You’re quite short for your age, but you don’t mind much. It just means that you have to prove yourself more. 

You fall in stride beside the orange-haired guy, trying to match the pace of his long legs.

You try not to make eye contact with him, too scared of angering him. That is, until he claps a huge hand on your shoulder. 

“You’re Kankri, right? That’s such a cool name! Kinda sounds like candy! My name’s Rufioh, ya know, like the guy from Peter Pan? That’s why I dyed my hair like this! And it looks cool!” A huge grin splits out across his face, and you find yourself at a loss for words. You didn’t expect him to be so nice to you.

“U-uh. It’s nice to meet you. Your hair is very…impressive?” You’re not entirely sure how to respond. You’re sure your father would call this guy a satanist, but from what you can tell, he seems nice enough.

He chuckles good-naturedly. “Thanks, doll! You seem like a nice dude! I’m glad Meulin asked you to join us. It’s kinda just been us and Damara since freshman year, so it’s nice to have a new face.”

Damara? That must be the name of the notebook girl. She flicks a peace sign your way.

“What’s up, I’m Damara. And no offence, but you look like some kinda repressed tsundere uke.” 

Rufioh bursts out laughing and gives Damara a light shove. “Oh my god, Damara, be nice!” Were those…English words? You feel woefully out of your depth.

“Uh. What does that mean, exactly…?” Damara makes eye contact with you for the first time since you met her and smirks.

“Don’t worry about it.” She kicks open the door to the courtyard and holds it open for the rest of you to pass through. “So, Kankri, you like anime?” She flops down on the bench of a picnic table and pulls out a bag of Doritos.

Meulin punches her in the shoulder. “Damaraaaa! I wasn’t gonna ask him yet!” Damara rolls her eyes and munches on her chips. You sit down across from Meulin and Rufioh slides in beside you.

“Aw, c’mon guys, you’re gonna scare him away! Sorry, doll, we’re hopeless weebs.”

You have no idea what that means, but you don’t wanna seem lame in front of the only people who’ve paid you any attention. You just laugh awkwardly. 

“Oh, uh, that’s alright. I don’t mind.” You hastily pull out your sandwich and begin eating, eager for a distraction. 

Meulin leans forward on her elbows. “So, Kankri, tell me about yourself! Where’re you from? Why’d you move here? Got any siblings? Pets? What’s your favorite book? Movie? Anime?” Her eyes light up as she rambles on, and she only stops when Damara places a hand on her shoulder. 

“Girl, chill. Can’t you see you’re freaking him out?” 

Meulin sits down sheepishly and blushes. “Sorry!”

You smile “No, Meulin that’s quite alright. Well, let’s see, in order, I’m from Mississippi, I came here because my father got transferred to a church here, I have a younger brother named Karkat, I don’t have any pets, The Picture of Dorian Gray, 10 Things I Hate About You, and I haven’t actually watched any anime!”

Rufioh places a hand over his heart in mock betrayal. “Never watched anime?? Damara, get out the Sailor Moon bootlegs, we gotta remedy the situation.”

Meulin claps her hands excitedly. “Oh my gosh, we should have a Sailor Moon watch party after school! Damara, you bring the DvDs, I’ll provide the cosplay!”

Damara smiles. “Rad. Now we can have a Sailor Venus! Only gotta convert one more person and then we’ll have all the scouts!”

You vaguely remember hearing about Sailor Moon from a girl at your last school, but you don’t really know anything about it. But hey, you might as well go along with it, it’s not like you have anything better to do. 

You smile. “Sounds great!”

After lunch, you head to your next class, which is science. You sit in the back once again, behind a girl with the most intense eyeliner you’ve ever seen. The teacher, a woman with long gray hair (who could be either 30 or 80, you really can’t tell), smiles at the class.

“Hello, everyone! My name is Ms. Harley, but you can call me Jade if you want!” You absolutely do not want. “I figured to start this year off on the right foot, we should do a bit of a bonding exercise-” Oh no. “-that will also double as an opportunity to learn! Don’t worry though, I won’t be grading it too harshly!” 

You shift in your chair. Group projects were never your favorite. You always ended up doing the brunt of the work while the rest of your groupmates slacked off. 

The teacher pulls out a glass bowl filled with small slips of paper. “I’ll be choosing the groups randomly, so wait for your name to be called out! There will be some groups of three, some groups of two!” You pray to whatever god will take you that you don’t end up in a trio. Just more people you’ll have to interact with. 

She rifles through the bowl, and reads out a pair of names. “Miss Serket! You will be working with Miss Peixes!” The girl with the eyeliner glowers at a girl with two long braids. 

You tune out the rest of the names until yours is called. “Kankri Vantas! You’ll be working with...Miss Maryam!” A girl that your father would likely call a harlot turns around and smiles at you. 

“Oh, and you’ll also be working with Cronus Ampora!” Porrim smirks at the boy next to her, who’s presumably Cronus. He gives her a fist bump and she rolls her eyes. 

You’d noticed Cronus in your English class. His hair is meticulously styled and slicked back, and his whole persona seems to be crafted around being some kind of fuckboy from the 50s. He gives you bad vibes. Like the kind of boy mothers would warn their daughters about. 

You’re snapped out of your internal monologue by your desk being slapped. You jump in your seat and see Porrim standing over you. 

“Kankri, was it? You planning on joining us anytime soon?” You see that they’ve pushed their desks together and are waiting on you. 

“Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry! I hope I didn’t keep you waiting too long!” You hurry over to join them, blushing profusely.

Porrim snorts. “Relax. I was just joking. Anyway, do y’all have any ideas for the project?” 

You hadn’t been paying attention when Ms Harley announced the assignment, so you surreptitiously sneak a glance at Porrim’s assignment sheet. “Make a presentation on how you, as individuals, can help fight climate change!” You snort. 

“Really? That’s the assignment? How original. They always look to shift the blame onto anyone but the people who are truly responsible. As if a bunch of 16-year olds can do anything to fight large corporations.”

Porrim blinks at you. “Erm, I was kind of thinking we could just do something like take shorter showers or something.”

Oh. Cronus chuckles. “Damn, babe, didn’t peg you as the radical type.” He not-so-subtly puts his arm around you. Porrim rolls her eyes. “Honestly, I’d love to hear more about that one-on-one later, you feel me?” 

Porrim shoots him a death glare. “Can you stop being horny for like, 5 minutes?”

Your face heats up. “Erm. I apologize, but I don’t er, swing that way.” You wriggle out from under his arm.

He blushes. “Oh shit, I didn’t realize you were like. A lesbian. Or whatever. Uh.” He coughs into his fist.

Oh dear. “Oh. That’s not exactly what I meant. I’m, well, I'm a guy.”

The look on Cronus’s face is priceless, and if you weren’t so embarrassed, it would have been hilarious. 

Porrim laughs. “I was gonna tell you, but this opportunity was too good to pass up.” 

Cronus slaps a hand to his forehead. “Fuck, chief, I’m sorry.”

You chuckle. “It’s quite alright. You’re not the first one to mistake me for a girl.” You clear your throat. “Well, I guess we should probably get started.”

Porrim smiles. “Well, I actually quite enjoyed your first idea. I think we could make a really interesting point about how blaming consumers with very little power for the failings of the 1% is ultimately useless.”

Wait, she actually listened to what you were saying? Your face lights up. “Really? Uh, I mean-” You clear your throat “-great. I already have a couple ideas, actually.”

Cronus yawns. “Great. You nerds can do whatever anarchy stuff you wanna. I’m gonna take a nap.”

Porrim socks his arm. “Mad cause you’re a 1 percenter, huh. Y’see Cronus, this is why no one will sleep with you.”

The world these two seem to live in is so alien from your own, and you have no clue how to respond. You simply ignore the two of them for the rest of the period in favor of doodling in the margins of your notebook. 

Once school is over, you linger by the entrance, hoping to catch sight of Meulin and her friends. You catch sight of your younger brother walking home with a blonde kid in sunglasses and an emo guy who won’t look up from his DS. You wave at him, and he flips you off in return. 

Eventually you see Damara kick open the doors to the school (is that her typical way of making an entrance?) followed by Rufioh and Meulin. Once Meulin sees you, she rushes over to you and wraps her arms around your neck. 

“Kankri! Oh my gosh I’m so happy you waited! I just realized I never told you where to meet us! Usually we meet outside Room 413 and walk home together! Gosh, I’m so excited to have another member of our cosplay group!”

You laugh and detangle yourself from her arms. “I’m glad I could help out! I’m interested to see what this Sailor Moon show’s all about, I’ve heard good things!” You fall into stride between Rufioh and Meulin.

Damara smirks. “You’re gonna love it. And if you don’t, you’re wrong.”

Meulin adjusts her cat ears and rolls her eyes. “Oh come on, Damara, Sailor Moon’s great and everything, but we all know Ouran High School Host Club’s way better.”

Damara snorts. “Sure. A show that revolves entirely around what guys like a girl. Sailor Moon at least has a plot. Plus, magical girl transformations are badass.”

“Oh, honey, at least Ouran has three-dimensional characters. What are the main characters again? Oh right, strong, smart, pretty, edgy, and dumb. Oh right, and boy.”

“Oh, sure, cause a reverse harem  _ always _ has extreme emotional depth.”

“Girl, I’ve had enough of your bullshit, I’m taking out my hearing aids.”

Damara and Meulin continue bickering and start to walk faster, quickly passing you and Rufioh.

“Are they always like this?”

Rufioh chuckles. “Yeah, pretty much. It’s always one thing or another, but don’t worry, they’re not serious. That’s just how they operate!” 

You nod and continue walking. Autumn has just begun, but the leaves have already started to fall. They crunch underfoot as the four of you make your way to Meulin’s house. The September air is crisp and there’s a slight breeze in the air. Autumn’s always been your favorite season. The weather’s perfect, not quite too cold, but just brisk enough to allow you to wear your favorite sweaters. Plus, autumn means Halloween, and Halloween means watching corny horror movies with your brother. 

You run a hand through your hair and smile. You reach Meulin’s house shortly, as Damara somehow trips backwards over Meulin’s fence. You stifle a chuckle and walk inside. 

Her house is cozy, and there’s a pleasant smell of cooking wafting through the house. 

You and the others follow Meulin upstairs to her room. You’re immediately struck by the sheet amount of posters that line her walls. Some more colorful, reading  _ Madoka Magica,  _ and  _ Pretty Cure,  _ others far darker, reading  _ Black Butler,  _ and  _ Death Note. _ There’s art all over the walls that looks like she made it herself, depicting colorful characters saying things like “You just activated my trap card!” and “It’s over 9000!” You have to admit, she’s pretty talented for a high schooler.

She flops down on her bed. “Ok, so I know that I said we were gonna binge Sailor Moon today, but I actually was planning on making a “Host Club Goes to the Mall” vlog for my channel today! Sorry, Kanks!”

“That’s quite alright, Meulin, but might I ask what exactly you mean by that? Is this a cosplay thing I don’t know about yet?”

Her face lights up. “Oh my gosh, I never told you about CourtierCosplays!” She sits up and rummages underneath her bed, eventually retrieving an olive green notebook. “So basically, I, er,  _ we _ , have this YouTube channel where we post these...skits I guess you would call them? Where we do things in cosplay! We have a couple of series, but the main plot-driven one is about Ouran High School Host Club!”

She opens the well-worn notebook and flips to a page covered in writing. “So, for today, I’d scheduled a vlog where we go to the mall in character! And, well, no pressure, but if you’d like to join, we do need a Haruhi!” She smiles sheepishly at you.

“Oh, well, I don’t really have any experience with the character, and I don’t have a costume or anything-”

“Oh don’t worry about that, silly! I have a couple extra Ouran uniforms, and you won’t even need a wig! Her hair’s pretty similar to yours!” 

Wait.  _ Her _ hair? “Hold on, this Haruhi character’s a girl? But…I’m not.”

Damara snorts. “No shit. In the cosplay world it doesn’t matter what your gender is. Hell, me and Meulin play dudes all the time, and Ruf plays chicks. No one gives a shit.”

They…don’t? You clear your throat. “Well, I suppose there’s no harm in it. But really, I don’t know anything about the character. How am I supposed to give a convincing performance?”

Rufioh smiles reassuringly at you. “Don’t worry, man, the vlog’s not scripted. Just…be yourself! You already act a lot like Haruhi anyhow. Just maybe be less polite and you’ve got her on lock!”

Less polite? Oh dear. You sigh. “Why not. Do you have a uniform that you think’ll fit?”

Meulin beams. “Oh, you fucking bet I do.”

Well, here you are. At the mall. Dressed like a girl. From an anime you know nothing about. This certainly wasn’t how you were expecting your first day to go. 

Meulin points a video camera at the four of you as she narrates your actions in a high-pitched voice. 

“...and the twins convinced her to come along this time! Say hi, Haru-chan!” 

That’s you. “Erm, hey guys! The twins said Honey really wanted to go to the mall today so…here we are!” Goodness, you need to work on your acting. 

But the others don’t seem to notice. In fact, Meulin even lets out a squeal and Rufioh and Damara smile at you in perfect synchronization. 

They’re supposed to play the twins, Hikaru and Kaoru. But it’s hard to imagine a 5’1” Japanese girl being twins with a 6’2” Puerto Rican guy who’s built like a brick shithouse. But hey, cosplay is apparently about suspension of disbelief, so you just go with it.

Meulin stops the camera for a second and you breathe a sigh of relief. It’s not that you’re afraid of being judged, you’ve always been a bit of an outcast, you just don’t want to disappoint your new friends.

Rufioh scratches the back of his wig and looks around. “So, where do we wanna start out? We could head into the Hot Topic if y’all want.”

Meulin perked up. “Oh my gosh, yeah, and Honey could be all confused about how dark it is and stuff!”

“Rad, let’s go. I wanted to get an Invader Zim shirt anyway.” Damara said as she straightened her tie. 

The four of you walk inside and are immediately greeted with the sound of rock music. The store itself is rather dark, with reddish lights, and every inch of the brick walls is covered in band shirts. 

Damara instantly bee-lines over to a strip of tees in horribly clashing shades of neon. She picks up a pink one that depicts what you think is a green dog screaming the word “WAFFLEZ.” Why that appeals to her is beyond you, but you’re not one to judge. 

“Yo Dammy!! What’s popping, girly?” Someone calls from across the store. A girl with bright cyan hair wheels around to hug Damara from behind. The skateboard she was holding clatters to the floor loudly.

Damara laughs. “What’s up Tula?” She grabs the shirt she was holding and holds it up in front of her. “So, what do you think? Too scene? Not scene enough?”

Tula (?) retrieves her board and smiles. “Girl, you can  _ never _ be scene enough.” 

“Damn right!” exclaims a boy whose bangs completely cover his eyes. You wonder how he doesn’t crash into walls.

“Oh, hey Tuna! Find anything good?”

He shows off a belt with black and yellow studs all over it. Tula squeals and bounces on her feet. “Oh my gosh, Tuna, that’s radical! You gotta wear that with your Blood on the Dance Floor shirt!”

Rufioh looks up from a bucket of pins. “Oh, hey Latula! Did you and Mituna get kicked out of the Spencer’s again?”

Tula-no, Latula-scowls. “Man, just cause we kept taking photos of the stuff in the back! They shouldn’t keep that shit in there if they don’t want people laughing at it.”

You instantly know that you  _ never _ want to go into a Spencer’s. You look around, and realize that Meulin’s nowhere to be found. 

“Erm, did Meulin come in with us?” You ask.

Rufioh shrugs. “Oh yeah, she’s probably looking at the hair dye. She never buys any, though. Her parents would never let her.”

Latula seems to notice you for the first time. “Oh hey dude! You’re the new guy right? Looks like Meulz roped you into her cosplay channel, huh?” You go to answer, but she just keeps talking. “Honestly, that’s radical! She’s super talented! At least you didn’t get picked up by  _ Meenah _ and her squad.” She scowls. 

But before you can ask about whoever Meenah is, Meulin pops up from behind Latula. 

“Aww, thanks Tula! I mean it’s not as cool or badass as y’all’s skateboarding, but it’s fun!”

Latula smiles. “Hell yeah, girl!” Mituna taps her on the shoulder. 

“Tula, we should probably go. We promised we’d meet Kurlz and Aranea outside the Taco Bell and I’m reeeeeeally craving a Baja Blast right now.”

“Oh, true! Catch y’all later!” She flashes the rest of you a peace sign and the two of them rush off. 

“Oh, we almost forgot to film!” Meulin exclaims, whipping out her video camera. She clears her throat and flicks it on. 

“Hiya, everybody! The twins brought me and Haru-chan into this store in the mall! It’s kind of…dark…and scary…but if Haru-chan is having fun, then so am I!” Meulin ends her line with a grin and pans the camera towards you. Oh dear. You’re just gonna have to wing it and hope it’s in character.

“Uh, it’s ok, Honey-senpai. I’ll be here for you.” You awkwardly wrap your arm around Meulin’s shoulder in what you hope reads as comforting in the video.

Meulin’s eyes light up. “Haru-chan! You’re so sweet!” She wraps you up in a bear hug that’s surprisingly effective, considering how much taller she is. She flicks off the camera.

“That’s probably enough for here, why don’t we go get some food? I’m really craving Orange Julius right now.” 

After Rufioh and Damara rejoin you, you head over to the food court to film some more. 

You sip your smoothie quietly as the rest of the group discusses the latest episode of Supernatural.

“Man, I don’t even like Gabe, but you gotta admit he was done SO dirty this season.” Rufioh says, punctuating his statement with a loud sip.

“If you don’t like Supernatural, then you have no say in the matter. When he faked his death? That was awesome!” Damara counters, waving her fork in Rufioh’s face.

Meulin giggles and stirs her drink. “Man, am I glad I never watched that show.” You have to agree. The sheer amount of opinions people seem to have about it is terrifying. And lord knows you don’t need more opinions. 

As Rufioh and Damara continue to debate, you turn to Meulin. “Hey, who’s that Meenah person you were talking about? Is she nice?”

“Nice? Are you joking?” Meulin snorts. “She’s the meanest bitch I’ve ever met. Her and her friends think they own the school, I swear.” Meulin glares at the table.

Rufioh shrugs. “I dunno, not all of them seem that bad. Horuss is only really with them cause he’s athletic, and Porrim’s never been mean to me.”

Damara chuckles. “Yeah, but they go along with it. And Porrim’s only nice to you cause you’re hot.”

“Yeah, I guess, but they’re nowhere near as bad as Cronus and Meenah. At least Horuss doesn’t hit on every new girl that comes his way.”

You frown. “Oh, so that’s who that guy was.”

“Wait, you know Cronus?” Meulin asks.

“Only a little. He and Porrim are my partners for a science project. He tried to hit on me because he thought I was a girl. He was also horrible at it, if I may add.”

Damara bursts out laughing. “I told you! Fuckin’ uke bastard!”

Rufioh tries to stifle his laughter and fails. “Man, I’m sorry, doll, it’s just hilarious that Cro would try to hit on you.”

Meulin giggles. “Yeah, Cro’s pretty sleazy, but at least he pretends to be nice. Meenah’s more like-”

“What am I more like?” You and Meulin turn around to see Meenah Peixes standing behind you. She’s accompanied by Porrim, Cronus, and a buff guy who you assume is Horuss. Porrim smiles at you, but Cronus doesn’t acknowledge your presence at all.

Meulin laughs nervously. “Oh, nothing! Just telling Kankri about…the people at school! So he’ll recognize you!” 

Way to throw you under the bus. But you force a polite grin and nod along. 

Meenah glares at you. “Uh huh. Kankri? The new kid? And you’re hanging out with these weirdos? What, did they bribe you with anime tits or something?” Your entire face flushes bright red and you look down at your drink. 

Damara rolls her eyes. “What, mad you didn’t get a chance to hit on him? Or did  _ Cronus _ get to him first?” She smirks and takes a bite. Somehow your face heats up even more and you shoot Damara a look. Unfortunately she’s too caught up in a stare-off with Meenah to notice. 

Cronus looks up from his phone. “Aw, cmon, Dam! I thought he was a chick!”

You scowl. “Yes, yes, we all get it, I look like a girl. Let’s move on.”

Porrim snickers under her breath. “Yeah, cmon Meenah, let’s just leave. Kankri’s chill anyway.”

Meenah sneers, but follows Porrim, exchanging middle fingers with Damara. 

Meulin lets out a sigh as soon as they leave. “Jesus.”

Damara laughs. “Yeah, she’s a bitch. But at least Porrim was nice to you,” she says, nodding your way.

“Yeah, I suppose.” you sigh. “I should probably leave anyway. My dad’ll be mad if I’m home too late.” 

“Oh, no prob! See you tomorrow!” Rufioh says. 

You start to walk back home, the autumn air nipping at your ankles. So much has happened in only one day, and you’ve barely processed any of it.


	2. Triple Baka

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> me, needing a chapter title: early 2010s videos that i loved in 5th grade

Dinner is rather uneventful. Your brother rants about some dude who his friend almost got in a fight with, and your dad goes on a biblical rant about how Jesus preached nonviolence. You mostly stay quiet, pushing lasagna around on your plate. You’d rather not relay the details of your anime-obsessed crossdressing friends and their ideas of fun, so you keep your mouth shut.

Once your father excuses you, you go straight to bed. The sheer amount of social interaction that you had today is enough to make you pass out almost instantly.

“Aw, come on, man! You guys are way smarter than me anyway!”

You roll your eyes. “No, Cronus, you have to do the work too. It’s a group project, for goodness sake.”

Porrim laughs behind her hand and continues typing. Mrs. Harley brought your class into the computer lab to do research for your projects, and Cronus has been trying to slack off all period.

“Aw, come ON, Kanny, I barely even understand what you two are going on about!”

You don’t look up from the computer screen. “Don’t call me that. And maybe you’d understand if you actually cared to pay attention for once in your life.” 

He frowns and stands. “Whatever. I’m going to the bathroom. Have fun with overthrowing the system or whatever.” He leaves and you go back to your research. You’re actually making some good progress. You’ve just found a great article about which companies are the most responsible for fossil fuels when Porrim taps your shoulder. 

You jump in your seat and let out a squeak. She smirks and rolls her chair closer to you. 

“So I saw you at the mall yesterday! Your costumes were really cool, actually.”

“Oh, uh, thanks. It was Meulin’s idea, but we’re going again today.” You say, praying she’s not being sarcastic.

Her face lights up. “Really? Do you…think they’d mind if I join you guys?” 

“Really? You’d actually…want to? I’m sure they’d be fine with it but-” 

“Awesome! I’ll meet you guys outside school then!” Before you can respond, the bell rings, and Porrim’s gone before you can say anything. 

Rufioh is the first one you see outside room 413. The first thing you notice are the fake bones stitched all over his denim vest. 

He runs over to you with a huge puppy dog grin. “Check it out! I got this fake skeleton from Spirit Halloween and sewed the bones on this vest! Sick, right?” 

You have to admit it’s pretty impressive. You nod. “Wow, that’s really creative!” 

“Damn, Ruf, that’s fire!” Damara yells from down the hall. You and Rufioh walk up behind her and Meulin and start to make your way to the exit. 

“Oh, by the way, Porrim said she wanted to join us today at the mall. I hope you don’t mind that I agreed.” You say.

Damara raises her eyebrows. “Damn really? Wouldn’t have pegged her as an otaku type. It’s chill, though. As long as she’s not a dick about it.” She shrugs. 

Meulin grins. “Oh my gosh, then we can have all the Sailor Scouts! It’ll be perfect!”

“Oh right, we didn’t have a Sailor Venus or a Sailor Mars! Thanks, dude.” Damara says as she boots the door open. 

Porrim’s waiting for you outside. She waves at you and saunters over. “So, y’all don’t mind if I tag along?”

“Only if you agree to dress up!” Meulin sing-songs. Porrim beams. 

“I was hoping I could! I love sewing, and I’ve always wanted to cosplay.”

Damara grins. “Awesome. We’re doing Sailor Moon today and doing a photoshoot by the fountain.” 

Porrim smiles. “Sounds great.”

Somehow you’ve ended up in a short pleated skirt and thigh-highs. There’s a giant blue bow around your neck, and a red one perched in your blond wig. The rest of the group looks pretty similar. Even Rufioh is decked out in a green skirt and a brown ponytail. You’re terrified that someone from school will see you, but you’re not even sure they’d recognize you. Porrim and Damara have covered your face in makeup, and you have to admit, they did a great job. You look like a completely different person. 

Damara adjusts her massive pigtails. She’s dressed as the main character, Sailor Moon. She and Porrim are helping Meulin tie a blue bow around her neck. Porrim’s long, dark wig almost reaches her ankles. 

She actually pulls the outfit off really well. It makes you worry that you look silly. You’ve never worn a skirt, much less one this short, and certainly not in public.

Meulin runs up to you, wand in hand. “You ready for the photos?” She asks, shoving your wand into your hand. You nod and hurry over to the fountain. Meulin sets up the camera’s timer and rushes back into position.

The five of you strike a pose, and the camera flashes. You take a couple more before grabbing Burger King.

You munch on your Whopper as Meulin rants about the hot goth guy in her French class. 

“-I mean, he wears skeleton makeup to class! That’s so hot!”

Porrim sips her iced tea. “Isn’t he friends with Aranea? I feel like I’ve seen him hanging around Mituna, too.”

Meulin nods. “Yeah, Kurloz definitely hangs out with the scemos!” She sighs. “Man, I just don’t know how to talk to him. He seems so cool, and I just…” 

Damara wraps an arm around her shoulder. “Don’t you worry your little catgirl head about it. Auntie Damara’s gonna help you woo this emo.” The conversation turns to romance and you tune it out. 

Dating has never been your strong suit. You’ve only ever had one girlfriend in your life, and it was for one day in second grade, which you’re pretty sure doesn’t count. You’ve always been happy without a girlfriend. Which isn’t to say that you don’t think girls are pretty, you do, but it doesn’t feel like there’s a hole in your life or anything. 

“What about you, Kanny?” Porrim asks, prodding your shoulder with her straw. “Got your eye on anyone?”

Meulin smirks. “Oh, I bet it’s Latula.”

Where in the world did that come from? “Latula? Why her?”

She rolls her eyes. “You really think I didn’t see how flustered you got when we were in the Hot Topic? Come on, I’m a shipping expert, give me some credit.”

_ Do _ you like Latula? I mean, she seems sweet enough, and she is pretty, and you probably wouldn’t be  _ opposed  _ to going on a date with her. 

“Aw, come on, guys.” You laugh awkwardly. 

“Oh my gosh, you totally do! I soooo ship you two!” Meulin squeals. 

You smile what you hope is a convincing smile and continue to nurse your food as the conversation shifts. You just hope that Meulin won’t make too big a deal out of this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh did i mention i didnt proofread this hahahhahha


	3. The Real Reason Tigerstar Hates Bluestar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which i try very hard to not turn a genuinely normal (if a bit homoerotic) wrestling scene into sex (also yes most of the chapter titles are warrior cats videos shut up)

Your name is Rufioh Nitram. You rake a hand through your dyed-orange hair and look around the gymnasium. You don’t know anyone in your gym class, save for Horuss, but you’ve only ever spoken to him once. The guy kinda scares you, if you’re being honest. He’s ripped as hell, and even if he’s nice enough to you, his friends are terrifying.

Coach English stomps into the gym, whistle gritted between his teeth. He’s the scariest teacher in school, with his shaved head and obsession with yelling. You and the rest of the class shuffle hurriedly to the wall, not wanting to upset him. 

You end up next to Horuss, who’s surprisingly alone. He adjusts his round glasses and looks at the ground. He seems pretty awkward when he’s not with the others in his group. 

You’re just about to try to talk to him when Coach blows his whistle loud enough to deafen you. 

“ALRIGHT BOYS, TODAY YOU BECOME MEN. TODAY YOU TAKE PART IN ONE OF THE MOST REWARDING ACTIVITIES A MALE CAN EXPERIENCE: WRESTLING. THE NOBLE ART OF CONQUERING YOUR OPPONENT WITH NAUGHT BUT YOUR OWN HUMAN BODY.”

Oh, great. You’re not exactly unathletic, but the idea of having to get up close and personal with a sweaty teenage boy is far from appealing. 

English continues to wax poetic about the merits of beating the shit out of each other, and you begin to drift off. You’re in the middle of a particularly interesting daydream, when Horuss gently taps you on the shoulder.

“Hey, you’re Rufioh, right? You were at the mall the other day?” You nod, and he smiles. “That was so cool! You looked super handsome!” 

“Oh, uh, thanks man.” You say, your face heating up. You look at your feet and continue your daydream. 

You’re so spaced out that you don’t notice class starting. Everyone is paired up except for you and Horuss. He’s already gotten a mat for the two of you.

“Hey, so, uh, what exactly are we doing? I wasn’t really paying attention.” You scratch the back of your neck. 

“Oh, we’re just practicing pins! I’m honestly kinda glad that we’re partners, cause you’re kinda built, and I didn’t wanna end up with someone who couldn’t hold his own!”

You kind of agree. You’re not jacked or anything, but you do work out. And if anyone had a chance against Horuss in a wrestling match, it would be you.

You nod and crack your neck. “True. But don’t go easy on me. I like to have a challenge.”

Horuss smiles. “Oh, don’t worry, I won’t.” The two of you square off, before he forces you into a grapple. You hold your own easily, flipping him on his back. He pushes you off of him, and regains his footing. 

“Man, you’re better at this than I thought,” He pants. You clearly caught him off guard. “You should join the wrestling team, we could use someone like you.”

You snort. Sports aren’t your thing. Besides, Damara would never let you live it down. She’d call you a prep for years to come. 

“Nah, I’m not really a sports kinda guy.”

Horuss rolls his eyes. “Oh, right, I forgot. Mr. Edgier-Than-Thou is too punk to do sports. Not like it’s a surefire way to a scholarship or anything.”

You gape at him. He rolls his eyes and smirks at you. “Chill, I’m joking. How about this: if I pin you in a fair fight, you have to join the wrestling team. No holding back, no nothing.” 

You know that Horuss is way stronger than you. You know this, and you know that he could easily beat you. So clearly, you don’t—oh, and you’re already squaring off with him. Jeez, never one to turn down a challenge, are you? I guess that’s pretty admirable. But you have to know that you can’t win. 

Horuss smiles at you, then lunges for your legs. You roll with the blow, flipping the two of you until you’re straddling him. You smirk down at him. Boy, that was easy. Wasn’t this guy supposed to be the star athlete? 

And then the wind gets knocked out of your lungs. You wheeze as you lie on your back (How in the world did you get there?) and stare into Horuss’ eyes. He’s straddling your waist and his hands pin your arms next to your ears. His body is spread out so he’s practically lying on top of you, and you have to say, from this close, you can really feel how impressive his muscles are. He chuckles and helps you to your feet. 

“Welcome to the team, man.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ugh fuck everything imma binge drawfee


	4. Helena-Music Video

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> am i listening to nightcore right now? maybe. cringe culture is dead eat my dick

Your name is Aranea Serket. You continue scribbling in your black notebook as you wait for class to begin. The pages of the book are covered in ballpoint drawings of various gorey happenings. You’re currently in the process of scrawling an anatomically correct heart in the corner of the paper. 

You’re not looking forward to class today. You’re paired up with Meenah Peixes, aka the mythic bitch of Beforus High. She’s pretty and popular and perfect and you’re…well, you look like the discount version of Lydia Deetz. 

You smooth out the front of your spiderweb-printed dress and sigh. It’s not like you had much of a social life anyway (the only friends you had were the mute goth guy and the local scene couple), but you were dreading what Meenah was going to say about you to her friends.  _ “She’s like, the female version of JD. God, what if she shoots up the school or something?” _ You could picture it now. 

Speaking of Meenah, guess who just walked into Ms. Harley’s science class. She sits down next to you with a huff, her two braids cascading down her back. You have to admit, she’s kind of gorgeous. If only she wasn’t painfully heterosexual.

You’ve always sort of known you were gay. You never got crushes on guys the way your friends did, and once your obsession with Monster High hit, you had basically figured it out. It’s not like you were out or anything, god knows your school would have a field day with that information, but you were holding out for the off-chance that there might come a girl who was just so obviously gay that it wouldn’t be out of the question for the two of you to get together.

You steal a glance at her, and she gives you a death glare. Geez, guess she's not too psyched to get paired with the school emo. Yesterday was awful. The two of you barely said a word to each other, and she goofed off the entire period.

“Alrighty, everyone, we’re not in the computer lab today, but I have some posterboard if you’re ready to start making your presentations!” Ms. Harley says cheerfully, her gray hair swishing behind her. 

Meenah rolls her eyes and turns towards you.

“Hey. Black Parade reject. Might as well get started, huh?” Meenah leans forward and grabs a piece of posterboard. 

If you cared more, you’d tell Meenah that the band’s not called the Black Parade, it’s called My Chemical Romance, and that your aesthetic is  _ way  _ closer to their revenge era, but you don’t, so you don’t.

Instead, you say, “No problem, Regina George,” and close your notebook. 

“Ok, so, I really don’t care about this class, and from what I can tell, you don’t either.” She’s right about one thing, you guess. “So, why don’t we just do like. Don’t litter or some easy shit? We’ll get credit and won’t have to do any work.” 

You have to admit, it’s a pretty good idea. But you’re not gonna tell her that. “Yeah, sure. I don’t have any better ideas, and the less time I have to spend with you, the better.”

To your surprise, she barks out a laugh and smiles. “Damn, Mindless Self Deprecation, you’re funnier than I thought.” A rush of butterflies fills your abdomen. You fight to suppress it. God, you can’t fall for  _ another  _ straight girl that hates your guts. 

Meenah chuckles again. “Man, I was worried you were just gonna be some meek, depressed weirdo who’d do all the work for me. But this is way more interesting!”

You adjust your cat-eye glasses in a way that looks condescending and not nerdy. “Wow. Great to know. It’s really flattering, you know, to be treated like some hot girl’s experiment.” You  _ really _ didn’t mean to throw the word “hot” in there, but you’re hoping she doesn’t read too much into it.

Meenah smirks. “You see? That’s exactly what I’m talking about! I really respect you, ya know? Takes a lot of balls to say shit like that to me.”

Jeez, it’s not like she’s in the mafia or anything. “Oh, sorry, Ms. High-and-Mighty, sorry for  _ daring _ to  _ speak _ in your presence. Forgive me, your majesty, forgive my sins.” you say in the most sarcastic tone you can muster, but your smile betrays you. 

She snorts. “That’s more like it. Now why don’t we start on this goddamn project. How well can you pull statistics out of your ass?”

You smile. “Oh, I’m the master at bullshitting school stuff. Let’s go.” 

You try not to hope for something more, but with the way Meenah smiles at you? It warms your heart in ways you can’t explain. God, you need to get your raging lesbian crush under control. Otherwise, you’re gonna get hurt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello there. the angel from my nightmare


	5. Moves Like Homestuck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mamma mia

You adjust your skirt and start to walk towards the Orange Julius for your daily cosplay smoothie. You, Rufioh, and Meulin are waiting in line while Damara and Porrim pick up Panda Express for the five of you. 

You’re in Sailor Moon cosplay again, and you’re feeling much more confident than before. It’s a Saturday afternoon, and you’re feeling pretty tired. You and Meulin binged the Sailor Moon anime this morning, starting at 7, and you’re still pretty out of it. You like the show a surprising amount. The transformations are really cool, and the animation style is very aesthetically pleasing. Now that you actually  _ know  _ who Sailor Venus is, you feel a lot better portraying her. 

The three of you order your smoothies, and walk towards the Panda Express. 

Meulin sips her smoothie and runs her fingers through her blue-green wig. “Man, did you hear that Aranea and Meenah are friends now? Who woulda thunk it!”

“Who’s Aranea again?” You ask

“You’ve probably seen her before. She’s like. Pretty goth? She’s chill! Pretty sure she hangs out with Mituna, Latula, and Kurloz.”

You nod. “Ohhh, her. Yeah, she’s in a couple of my classes.” You frown. “Never would have thought that she’d hit it off with Meenah, though. No offense to Meenah, but she seems kind of…”

“Mean?” Rufioh finishes. 

“Bitchy?” Meulin offers.

You sigh. “Well, I would have put it nicer, but yeah, pretty much.”

Meulin giggles. “Say, didn’t Damara and Porrim say they were gonna be by the Panda Express?”

Rufioh nods. “Yeah, why?”

You scan the food court. “Well then…where are they?”

“Good question. Let’s maybe look by the water fountains? Or maybe the bathrooms?” You suggest.

Meulin nods. “Yeah, those are both in a side hallway by the escalators. They’re probably there.”

The three of you walk towards the escalator, and turn to the bathrooms. You hear voices-or maybe laughter?- coming from around a corner, so you turn and-

Oh wow. Damara and Porrim pull away from their intense make-out session to stare at you. Damara giggles nervously and Porrim lets her down from where she was pinned on the wall. 

You’re speechless. But Meulin sure isn’t. She lets out a loud squeal and flaps her arms like she’s trying to take flight. 

“OH MY GOSH YOU TWO ARE SOOOO CUTE!! YOU TWO ARE LIKE REVOLUTIONARY GIRL UTENA!!”

Rufioh smiles. “Aw, how long has this been a thing? Y’all should have told us!” 

Damara’s bright red, and she won’t stop giggling. Porrim smooths her skirt out. “Well, we weren’t sure if you guys would be okay with it, and well, hey, you know now!”

Meulin rolls her eyes. “Oh come on, of course we support you! We’ve all read our fair share of yuri. Besides, you two are so cute together! Right, Kankri?”

You nod dumbly. I mean, it’s not like you were going to say no. But it’s still odd. I mean, the only time you’ve ever seen two guys or two girls together was one time on Friends, and it was pretty much played off as a joke. You never thought it’d apply to the real world. 

The rest of the group laughs it off and goes back to the food court, but your mind’s still on the kiss. You’ve never really considered your sexuality much. I mean, you were never that into girls. But you never thought about the possibility of liking guys. I mean, men were pretty cute. And now your obsession with Danny Phantom is making a lot more sense. That is, if you actually liked guys.

You shake your head. You weren’t going to think about this now. You munch your orange chicken and try to pay attention to what your friends are saying, suppressing any potentially incriminating thoughts for a later date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> itsa me. the short chapter


	6. Friendship is Witchcraft | Episode 1 | The Perfect Swarm |

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> inwhich our side romances bear fruit

You’re doing a great job of ignoring Cronus’s texts. He flat-out refuses to put a single iota of time into your  _ actual fucking important project _ and yet pesters you 24 hours a day. 

He seems dead set on befriending you, despite your clear disinterest. Ugh. You’d like him a lot better if he’d just shut up once in a while. 

To be entirely honest, he doesn’t seem too bad of a guy, he just acts like an annoying fuckboy all the time. 

He just barely makes up for it with his face. Which is an odd thought to have, Kankri, care to elaborate? That’s what your little brother would call some “grade-A faggotry,” which you used to lecture him for, but now you’re starting to realize that he probably likes guys too.

Not that you do, necessarily! But there’s a high fucking possiblity.

Ever since you caught Damara and Porrim kissing at the mall, you’ve been confused. It had never really hit you that being into the same gender was a thing. Or at least a thing that could apply to you. Perhaps your Cronus-centric feelings could be explained that way…?

Or perhaps you’re gonna ignore your narrator, who desperately wants to move the story forward. Whatever. Do what you want. 

Your phone buzzes, and you’re about to ignore it, when you see it’s from Meulin. 

Meulin Leijon: Oh my gawshhh oh my gawshhh OMGGG KANKSSS

ML: YOU WONT FRICKIN BELIEVE THIS OMFGGG

Kankri Vantas: Goodness, Meulin, is everything alright?

ML: IZ IT ALRIGHT???? ITS MOAR THAN ALRIGHT!!! 

ML: GUESS WHO LANDED A DATE WITH DA HAWTEST GOTH BOI IN DA WHOOOLE SCHOOL!!

ML: DID U GUESS ME

ML: BCUZ ITS ME

KV: Wow, Meulin, congrats! 

ML: i just hope he likes me >///<

ML: i dont wanna come off liek some dorky fangirl!!

KV: Well, the way I see it, if he doesn’t like you for you, he’s a (pardon my language) fucking idiot

KV: I don’t mean to get sappy on you, but you’re an incredibly smart, kind, and interesting girl, and if that’s not enough for him, you deserve better anyway.

ML: AWWWW KANKS!! TwT

ML: UR GONNA MAKE ME CRYYY TYSMMM

ML: im sure itll go fine tho! kurloz is rly nice!

ML: and hawt >///<

ML: speeeeaking of which ;3

KV: …

ML: you should totes ask out latula and come w us!!

ML: it can b a double date!!

KV: Thank you for the offer, but I’d rather not

ML: awww y? D:

ML: is she dating sum1 or smthn

KV: Well, I’m pretty sure she’s dating that other boy, but that’s not what I meant.

ML: :?

KV: I meant that I don’t really want to date her

ML: ohhhhhh

ML: oh im dum

KV: Oh, no, I didn’t mean to imply that! I’m sorry if anything I said made you doubt your intelligence!

KV: I simply don’t find myself very, well

KV: how do i say this

KV: attracted to girls recently?

ML: :0000

ML: omg ur gay?? 

ML: oh my gosh how did i not notice!!

ML: i mean damz even said u looked like a uke

KV: Erm. Well. I don’t really know if I’d call myself gay. I just. Find males more preferable

KV: *in the romance department! Gosh, that probably sounded sexist

ML: lmao ur good

ML: but thats so cool!!!!

ML: im sooooo setting u up with a guy tho

ML: keep an eye out ;3

KV: Oh god don’t do anything rash. 

KV: Meulin

KV: Meulin

KV: Meulin oh god what are you doing

ML: nothing~ ;3

KV: Oh christ

You put down your phone and notice that your heart is pounding at a mile a minute. Strangely, though, you don’t feel anxious. You’re still not actually entirely sure if you  _ do _ like guys, but it felt good to let the possibility out into the open. And hey, if Meulin  _ did  _ succeed in setting you up, it would provide some good perspective on your whole sexuality situation. 

Goodness. You needed to get some sleep. 

You and Porrim are almost done with your project. Cronus finally decided to get off his ass for long enough to write his name on the poster. You suppose it’s a start. 

Porrim’s making a header (she apparently learned calligraphy off of tumblr), and you’re meticulously cutting out the graphics you printed out at the Staples downtown. 

Cronus is doing jack shit (as usual), but he’s at least been more chill around you.

Porrim finishes putting the final flourish onto the word “Capitalism”, and turns to Cronus.

“Say, Cro, you’re not doing anything after school, are you?”

You roll your eyes. He’s absolutely going to take that as a proposal for a date. You shudder slightly. Porrim and Cronus? Eurgh.

You’re proven right by Cronus’ shit-eating grin. “Geez, Porrim, I had no clue you liked me! You shoulda said something earlier!”

Porrim glares at him and sighs. “Get over yourself. I was just asking if you wanted to hang out with me and Kanny’s friends. We’re gonna upload some stuff to Meulin’s cosplay channel. We need a Tamaki, and you know Meenah wouldn’t do it.”

He shrugs. “Yeah, sure, why not, it’s not like I have anything better to do.”

What the hell is she doing? You  _ don’t _ need a Tamaki, Meulin told you that the sketch was going to be the twins trying to woo Haruhi. You shoot Porrim a look saying  _ what the hell, dude, why would you invite Cronus of all people.  _ She winks at you and smirks.

Uh oh. You recall your conversation with Meulin. Double uh oh. Did she and Porrim conspire to set you up with Cronus? Out of all the guys they could have chosen…you’re going to need to have a long rom-com binge session with your brother later.

“Meul, there is absolutely no way this suit is gonna fit me.”

Cronus is changing into cosplay in Meulin’s bathroom. He was unexpectedly enthusiastic about the whole thing, to your surprise, but hey, at least he’s not being a dick for once. 

Meulin rolls her eyes. “Oh, come on, stop being so overdramatic. Besides, Tamaki doesn’t always have to wear his jacket! He’s the main love interest, after all. He can basically do whatever he wants.”

You can practically  _ hear _ Cronus’ ego inflate and you sigh. Way to go, Meulin. 

Damara’s doing your eyeliner, which is way more of an ordeal than you expected. You’ve gained so much respect for people who do makeup everyday over the last few days, it’s so much harder than you would’ve thought. 

Cronus steps out of the bathroom, and you start so hard that Damara almost smears the wing she was working on. She sends you a death glare, but you’re not paying attention to her. You’re way too focused on Cronus. 

The blond wig oddly suits him, the bangs frame his face nicely. The white button-down he’s wearing is tight over his chest, and he’s clearly never had to tie a tie in his life, but it’s kind of charming. He has the periwinkle jacket slung over his shoulder (you suppose it really  _ didn’t _ fit), and a light blush dots his cheeks. Perhaps casting you as Haruhi was the correct choice, because in that moment you think you could kiss him. 

Then your brain catches up with your dick and you shudder slightly, trying to get the thought out of your mind.

He spins around, showing off the outfit. “So, do I look enough like an anime boy?”

Rufioh nods. “You’re no Joey Wheeler, but it’ll work.”

Damara scoffs. “You seriously think Joey’s hotter than Tamaki? Jeez. This is why we broke up.”

Rufioh chuckles. “Sorry, Dams, I need my man to be able to send me to the Shadow Realm.”

Whatever they’re saying is going straight over your head (but hopefully not the reader’s! Please appreciate my Yugioh references.), so you turn your attention back to the man of the hour.

He’s squirming a bit in the button-down. You guess he’s probably not super used to wearing formal wear. He catches your eye, shooting you a small smile, and you wonder if blushing this much is dangerous for your health.

Meulin claps to get everyone’s attention. “Alrighty yall! So the plan for today is just for it to be Haruhi and Tamaki, and they’ll be doing the chapstick challenge! I already explained that to you, Cro, so you’ll be fine.”

You frown. “Then why’d the rest of you come?”  
“To watch and laugh!” She giggles. Fucking great. So this was her plan. To set you up with the biggest douche in school (who also just _happens_ to be a major fucking hottie,) via a cosplay challenge? You really shouldn’t have expected anything less. 

You’re a sweaty, nervous mess. Cronus, on the other hand, looks almost excited, which doesn’t bode well for you, considering he knows what you’re doing and you don’t. 

You give your suit jacket one more adjustment, and then the cameras rolling. 

You’re sitting on Meulin’s stairs, pretending to read. Your gaze flicks up for a moment, and you see Meulin’s little sister, Nepeta, has decided to join in on the Kankri Humiliation Party. Great. 

Cronus swoops in, snatching your book from your hands, and sitting gracefully beside you.

You scowl and sigh. You honestly barely need to act when you’re Haruhi, she’s very similar to you. “What is it, Tamaki-senpai? I was reading that.”  
Cronus tosses his faux-blond hair and beams. You have to admit, he’s doing a great job. Maybe he used to be a theater kid. “Never mind that, Haruhi! I have something far better in mind for us to do!”

You frown. “Geez. Phrasing.”

He keeps going, completely ignoring you. “It’s a commoner’s game, perhaps you’ve heard of it?”

You roll your eyes. “I’m not the universal representation of the middle class, Tamaki.”

Honestly, it’s a good moment to remind Meulin’s viewers that certain demographics aren’t monoliths, and not everyone’s experiences are universal. Never a bad time to make nerdy anime fans more aware of the society they live in.

“Even so, you may have heard of the chapstick challenge?”

You shake your head. Even irl you doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

He digs around in his pocket for a moment, eventually emerging with an assortment of drugstore chapsticks, each a different flavor.

You raise an eyebrow. “You know you don’t need that many, right? Do rich people not get chapped lips or something?”

He shakes his head. “No, no, no, we’re not using them for that! It’s a game! I’ll put some chapstick on, and then you have to guess the flavor! It’s fun!”

“Wait but…how am I supposed to guess if…” Then it dawns on you. “Oh, hell no. I’m not kissing you, Tamaki!”

He clutches his heart overdramatically. Geez, who knew he’d be such a natural? “You wound me Haruhi! But don’t worry, it’s just a game! It’s not like you have to fall in love with me.” He pulls out a rose from his pocket. “Although that would be a wonderful side effect.” He winks. Lord, you can practically see the shoujo roses behind him.

You shove the flower away and scowl. “Fine. But don’t expect anything farther to happen! I’m just doing this for a game” Maybe if you say it with enough conviction, it’ll become true. 

He bounces a little. “Yay! Alrighty, close your eyes.” You comply. 

After what feels like eternity (but was probably just 10 seconds), you feel a soft hand on your cheek.  _ When did you notice the softness level of his skin?! _ You instinctively open your eyes, and then his lips are on yours.

_ Oh. _ It’s tender and warm and sweet and over far too quickly. You’re kind of starstruck. It’s not your first kiss, necessarily. Technically, that happened during a 7th grade game of spin the bottle. But this is the first one that you’ve actually enjoyed.

He pulls back and smirks at you.  _ Oh god, your inexperience is showing _ . You feel your face heating up and you look down at your hands.

“So…? What flavor?” 

Oh. Right. You completely forgot about the video. You smack your lips a bit, trying to get the flavor into your mouth. 

Cronus raises an eyebrow. “You need another hit?” You nod dumbly, and then your lips are connected. 

You lean in closer, needing more contact. You rest an arm on Cronus’s leg and scoot forward. He goes to pull away, but you tug him closer, wrapping your arms around his neck. Your brain’s screaming out you  _ Kankri, what the hell are you doing you weren’t supposed to make out with the man, stop it right now! _

But you don’t. That is, until Nepeta’s giggle snaps you back to reality. Oh dear. You completely forgot about the challenge. Fuck, this video of you making out with the biggest douchebag ever in fucking  _ anime cosplay _ is gonna be avaliable to the entire goddamn internet and oh god Kankri, how did you not see this coming?

You rocket to your feet, face heating up like a furnace. Somehow, you remember the premise of the video, blurting “CHERRY,” before running and locking yourself in Meulin’s bathroom. 

Your name is Cronus Ampora and you just kissed a boy. Granted, he ran away directly afterwards, but hey, it’s better than nothing!

You take off your wig cap and shake out your hair. You frown a bit, cause you’d spent a while styling that! But hey, it was worth it to see Kankri all flustered. 

“So, how’d that go?” Porrim asks, fiddling with Meulin’s camera. 

“Are you kidding? I got to kiss someone, it couldn’t have gone better!”

She chuckles. “Yeah, but it was Kankri. And you’re like, the epitome of Straight Man.”

You shrug. “Eh. I’ve met straighter.”

“Oh, phew, I was trying to set you two up.” she sighs. 

Wait. Huh? “Isn’t  _ he _ straight though?”

She snorts. “He’s the biggest fruit ever, are you kidding?”

“Hey!”

“Oh, calm down, loverboy, I was making out with Damara an hour ago, you don’t need to worry about me.”

“Gee, thanks, Por, I really needed to know about your sexual exploits.” You toss the blazer to the side. “Anyway, I should probably head out. I gotta pick Eridan up from swim practice. Put in a good word for me with Kanny, ok?” 

Your name is Kankri Vantas, and your new home is the tile floor of the Leijon’s bathroom. You just kissed (made out? You have no idea what the term would be) Cronus  _ fucking  _ Ampora while dressed as an anime girl. 

Lord. 

When you moved here, you certainly hadn’t imagined that your highschool experience would involve crossdressing, homosexuality, and getting set up with the resident fuckboy.

You’re not actually unhappy about that, you realize. I mean, that’s just what coming of age is like, right? Doing shit that your pastor of a father would probably hate? (Although, now that you think about it, he likely wouldn’t give two shits, as long as you’re making friends.

You hear a knock on the door. “Kanks? Cronus left, you can come out now.” Meulin says from outside the bathroom. 

You throw the door open. “Oh, thank fuck.” She raises her eyebrows. 

“That bad, huh? I wonder if there are any other guys at school who are willing to do something like this...”

You shake your head. “No, no, no, Meulin, you’re fine.” You chuckle. “No, GOD, it was great, it was awesome, it-” You let out a sigh. “It was perfect, Meulin. Thank you.” 

She giggles and throws an arm around your shoulders, pulling you out of the bathroom. “Geez, then what was the whole  _ Oh-no-I’m-Cinderella-and-it’s-midnight _ thing about?”

You glare at her. “If you haven’t noticed, I’m not exactly a James Dean when it comes to romance.” If this fanfiction was set in 2018, you could have made a really great Be More Chill reference. (Cue More Than Survive, timestamp 1:22) But sadly, you’ve already filled your middle-school-emo-phase-anachronism quota, settling for a dead (?) actor (?) from the 50s (?). See, even the author doesn’t know, and he’s the one writing the damn thing! 

She snorts. “James Dean? How old  _ are _ you?” Younger than her by almost a year. “Anyway, it actually made good content for the vid. It just looks like you’re a really good actor.” 

You nod. “Well, at least there’s a silver lining.”

“Silver lining? Dude, you just got kissed.” She laughs as the two of you rejoin the group.

“I mean, yes, but it’s not like it’s going to go anywhere.” You say. Right? 

Porrim grins. “You joking? He was practically drooling over you.”

“Yeah, he was in character. He doesn’t like dudes. The only reason he thought I was attractive that one time was because he thought I was a girl.”

Porrim rolls her heavily-lined eyes. “Kanny, he thought  _ you _ were straight.”

Damara snorts behind her back, earning a sock in the arm from Porrim. 

_ Oh.  _

“So…you’re saying he’s actually  _ into  _ me?”

Nepeta laughs behind a cat-paw patterned glove. “Awww, it’s just like your mangas, Meu!”

“Nep, I told you not to read those! You’re too young!”

Nepeta rolls her eyes. “You’re only two years older than me. Besides, everyone my age is already boning anyhow.”  _ Ew. _ She giggles. “Except Eridan.”

“Whatever.” Meulin sighs. “There are more important matters to discuss!” She not-so-surreptitiously elbows you in the side.

“Geez, is everyone here really that invested in my love life?” It’s almost as if you’re the main character of the fanfic. Just as I thought, everyone nods.

You roll your eyes. “Ugh. Fine. How do I ask this guy out?”

Rufioh shrugs. “Well, the way I did it, you just need to join his sports team, wrestle him to the ground, and then make out in the locker room until the janitor kicks you out.”

You all stare at him and his eyes widen. “Did I, uh, not tell you guys?”

“Man, forget whatever the fuck Kankri was talking about, I need to hear  _ this  _ story.” Damara says. Normally, you’d be at least a little bit offended, but you honestly have to agree with her. 

Rufioh is a blushing mess. “Ok, so y’all know Horuss-”

“YOU DID IT WITH HORUSS?” Damara practically screams. 

“We didn’t do it, Damara!” Rufioh rolls his eyes. “But, yeah. Guess we got another fag on our hands, huh?”

“Don’t say slurs in front of Nepeta!” Meulin hisses, getting a middle finger from Nepeta in response. 

“Eat my dick, Meu. I have a DeviantArt, I know what slurs are.” 

Rufioh chuckles. “Anyway, Kanks, he seems pretty head over heels for you. I wouldn’t worry about it.”

Porrim nods. “Yeah, I can just tell him you’re gay too, and that he should take you to the Halloween dance.”

Well. That was easier than you thought. The author must want to finish this fic sooner rather than later.

“Oh! Uh, thanks, Porrim.” You blush and clear your throat. “If we’re talking about everyone’s love lives, Meulin, didn’t you have a date?”

Meulin and Nepeta let out a synchronized squeal. “Oh my gosh, oh my gosh Kurloz was so sweet!! He even knows sign language!” The group crowds around Meulin as she gushes about the date. 

You sigh, happy to be surrounded by friends who actually care about you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha 69


	7. Popipo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i would REALLY like for class to be over oh yo my homie just raised their hand

You check your phone again. Meenah’s been texting you nonstop since she got your number. She’s been shockingly…affectionate, with seemingly no reason. You’re convinced it’s a prank, a ruse concocted by her friends to embarrass the goth lesbian in the back of the classroom.

But…you kind of like it. Sure, she can be a huge bitch sometimes, but it’s nice to have someone to talk to other than Mituna and Latula. Or Kurloz, but he doesn’t really talk much. 

You sigh and answer her. 

Meenah Peixes: Heyyy wassup gurl

Aranea Serket: Oh, u know.

AS: doing all the work for our train wreck of a science project

MP: omg ur a lifesaver

MP: tysm babe 

AS: ew

AS: who are you, cronus?

MP: how fuckin dare u

MP: im jk dw

MP: anyway u got a date for the dance?

AS: …

AS: why

MP: geez i was just wondering

MP: i mean like ur a lesbian right

MP: oh fuk are u not

AS: um

AS: why do you care

MP: uhhh idk

MP: forget i asked ok

AS: wait

AS: were u just asking me out

MP: no

MP: my sisters uh

MP: drowning i gtg

AS: your sisters on the swim team

AS: and shes taller than you

MP: oops too late already giving her the heimlich byeeeeee

AS: thats not what…

AS: nvm

Your name is Aranea Serket and Meenah Peixes may or may not have just asked you to go to the Halloween Dance with her. That entire conversation was perhaps the pinnacle of sexual repression, and you, strangely, have the upper hand. 

Well. If that’s the game she wants to play, you’ll just have to change the rules.

You’re going to the dance with Meenah if it’s the last thing you do.

But first you need a dress.

Your name is Cronus Ampora and you are  about to GET SOME!!!  kind of freaking the fuck out. On the outside, you look like a smooth-talking, chick-banging stud (Well, you like to think you do), but to be quite honest, you’ve had almost no dating experience. 

You’ve never been the straightest nail in the coffin, so when Porrim and Meulin asked you to make out with a cute guy? There was no way you were turning them down. And  _ fuck _ was Kankri cute. He was so unsure, so shy, but when you kissed him, he melted into you like putty. 

Shit. You gotta ask him to the dance. Porrim said he was gay, but still. Practically  _ all _ your romantic advances have ended in rejection, and this is the first person you really wanted to make an impression on. 

Fuck. You need advice. You grab your phone and shoot Meenah a quick text, hoping she doesn’t ask too many questions. 

Cronus Ampora: heyy meen

Meenah Peixes: if youre tryna ask me to go to the dance with you the answers fuck no im not that desperate

CA: whoa calm down there

CA: nah its not like that 

CA: promise

CA: actually uh i need your advice on somethin

MP: what like how to actually get laid

CA: … 

MP: wait reely

MP: *really whatever

MP: HOLY FUCK   
CA: OK WELL MAYBE NOT IN THOSE EXACT TERMS SPECIFICALLY 

CA: i just wanted to ask someone to the dance i i dont know how and i really gotta come up with somethin good and yeah help

MP: fine

MP: i will deign to stoop to your level 

MP: so basically heres how you get mad bitches

MP: just fuckin ask her

MP: its not that goddamn hard

MP: just text her like “yo bring that nice ass over here at 7pm”

CA: somehow i feel like thats not going to work

MP: shut up virgin

MP: im the one getting you laid ok

CA: yeahhh i dont think he’ll fuck me

CA: shit

CA: *she

MP: HOL UP

MP: DO MINE EYES DECEIVE ME OR IS CRONUS AMPORA A FUCKING HOMO

CA: YOURNE EYES DECEIVE YOU 

MP: *clears throat* wELL then

MP: new plan

MP: jk its the same plan

MP: just fucking tell him you goddamn idiot

CA: ugh fine

CA: but dont be mad if SHE rejects me

MP: why the fuck would i b mad id probs laugh in ur face

CA: yeah fair

CA: anyway

CA: thanks for your help

CA: i guess

That was…dubiously helpful at best. But Meenah’s probably right, Kankri doesn’t seem like the kinda guy who would dig cheesy pick-up lines or public declarations of love. You sigh, click Kankri’s contact, and send the message. 

Then you throw your phone across the room and hide in your brother’s room because dealing with situations head-on makes you want to rip your skin off. 

Your name is Kankri Vantas and you might have gotten yourself a date. You stare at your phone screen, reading and rereading the text he sent you. 

Cronus Ampora: heya kanks wanna go to the dance with me please dont say no meenah will roast me about it for years please man 

A bit desperate, sure, but hey, it’s better than nothing. And lord knows you don’t have the balls to make the first move. 

Kankri Vantas: Your offer is very nice, and I’d love to, however, I do need to know whether or not you actually fancy me in that way, or if you’re just using me as some odd pawn to get back at Meenah. (Or anyone else for that matter). So, in other words, let’s live in a speculative world in which I had romantic feelings towards you (And I’m not necessarily saying that this speculative world is the world that we live in.) Would you return those feelings? 

KV: In simpler terms, yes. But only if you genuinely harbor feelings for me.

Wow, both of you are horrible at this.

CA: Whoah, sick, for real?

KV: Well, yes, I suppose!

CA: Big Time Rush Moment!!!!!

CA: er

CA: sorry, the author just really wanted to say that

KV: That’s quite alright, Cronus

CA: oh gosh you dont know how happy i am

CA: oh geez i need a costume

CA: oh geez  _ we _ need a costume

CA: OMG WE SHOULD DO A COUPLES COSTUME   
KV: Erm

CA: oops sorry i got excited haha

KV: It’s alright, I’m actually kind of freaking out!

KV: In a good way, I should clarify

KV: I’ve never really...had someone ask me out?

KV: Oh dear that probably sounded really silly

CA: nah man ur good lmao im pretty out of my depth too

CA: but ur cute n shit and i wanted to tell u yknow

KV: h

KV: thats sweet of you to say

CA: im not just sayin it! Your hella cute and you gotta know that

KV: Cronus Ampora you shut the hell up right now

CA: awww i thought you liked me ;)

KV: I’m beginning to reconsider!!

CA: heehee

CA: alright ill stop

CA: but were still on for the dance right?

KV: I said yes, didn’t I?

CA: just checkin :)

CA: see u tomorrow <3

KV: sigh

KV: <3

God, did you really just type out the word “sigh”? You guess you did. 

But on the other hand. You just got asked out by a hot guy. So really everything’s in your favor. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the big time rush thing i was trying to find a time-period accurate way of saying poggers


	8. New World | Minecraft Diaries [S1: Ep.1] Roleplay Adventure!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dont worry its not actually about mcd

Your name is Damara Megido and DAMN your girlfriend has nice honkers. Your head is nestled against her chest, listening to her heartbeat. She pulls you closer and your heart flutters beneath your sweater.

Your name is Rufioh Nitram and you can’t stop thinking about the way his body felt against yours. The way his strong arms pushed you down, the tender way his hands cupped your face, the feeling of his warm lips against yours. 

Your name is Mituna Captor and you’re super excited for your halloween costume. You’re going as Kagamine Len, while your girlfriend is going as Hatsune Miku. You can’t wait to see how beautiful she looks.

Your name is Kankri Vantas and you’re kept awake thinking of his face. You’re not exactly complaining, it’s a pretty good face. You just wish he was with you in person.

Your name is Meulin Leijon, and you can’t believe how lucky you are to have him. He’s sweet and kind and the two of you don’t need any words to show just how much you mean to each other. 

Your name is Porrim Maryam and your girlfriend’s head feels nice and warm against your chest. You know that she’s pretending to fall asleep just so she can put her face in your boobs, but honestly you don’t mind. You run your fingers through her thick hair, sighing.

Your name is Latula Pyrope and shit, your boyfriend’s eyeliner looks good. You pull away from his face, admiring your work. You push his fringe out of his eyes, planting a soft kiss on his nose. 

Your name is Aranea Serket and you’re ready to sweep her off her feet. You’ve replicated the Helena dress as best as you can, and you look drop-dead gorgeous, if you do say so yourself. She’s not gonna know what hit her.

Your name is Horuss Zahhak and you wish he were here with you. You’re tragically touch-starved, and being separated from him hurts your heart. You can’t wait to see him again.

Your name is Kurloz Makara and you feel as though she’s the only one who truly understands you. She’s the only one who’s cared enough to know you, to know the real you. How did you function before you met her?

Your name is Cronus Ampora and you can’t fathom how you landed a date with the cute new guy. You’re sure that any girl would love to parade him around like he’s a circus freak, but he’s yours. He’s yours, and you’re not going to let anyone hurt him. 

Your name is Meenah Peixes and you’re not used to feeling at a disadvantage (especially to her). How did such a socially inept reject capture your heart? You sigh, steeling yourself for whatever she has planned. 

  
  


You smooth a hand over your red button-up vest. You have to admit, you’re quite happy with the couples costume idea Cronus chose. You look pretty good in red.

He decided that you should go as a devil and an angel, because you seemed like a “repressed catholic boy who’s never swore in his life, so it’ll be funny.” You have to admit he’s kind of right. 

You adjust the devil horns and smile. Your friends should be here any minute. 

Your doorbell rings. Speak of the devil (ha). You hurry to the door, grabbing your phone on the way out. 

Meulin and Kurloz are both dressed as skeletons, Rufioh and Horuss are dressed as a cowboy and a horse respectively, and Damara and Porrim are dressed as Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Mask. Cronus is there too, wearing a far-too-tight white suit, with wings and a halo to match.

Damara whistles. “Damn, the bottom got a glow-up!” She says, earning an elbow in the side from Porrim.

You blush. “Erm. Thank you, Damara.” You make eye contact with Cronus, your blush deepening. You clear your throat. “You look quite handsome, Cronus.” He beams. 

“Aw, thanks, Kanny! You look fucking hot in that outfit, though,  _ damn. _ ” Porrim smacks him on the head with her hat. 

“Horny police, lock him up.” She loudly proclaims. God, you hope your dad didn’t hear that. 

You shove everyone off your doorstep. “Alright, that’s enough. Let’s get this show on the road.”

The bunch of you arrive at the dance. The gymnasium is covered with various halloween-themed decorations, although the lights are so dim that it’s kind of hard to see. 

In the dark room you don’t see Latula about to crash into you. She’s wearing a bright blue wig with two huge ponytails clipped to it. You’re pretty sure you’ve seen a drawing of that character on Meulin’s wall, but you don’t know the name.

“Oh shit, sorry Kanks!” She apologizes, pulling Mituna along with her. He’s dressed in a similar outfit, but with a short yellow wig. They’re both beaming, and man, they seem like the happiest couple in the world.

You smile. “It’s fine, Latula! You both look great, by the way.”

“Aw, thanks Kan! You too!” The two of them disappear into the crowd, and you’re eternally grateful that Meulin didn’t try to set you up with Latula. You’d hate to mess with their relationship.

Cronus grabs your hand. “Hey, babe, why don’t we dance?” Just as he says that, TiK ToK by Kesha starts playing. You nod and let him drag you onto the dancefloor. 

_ Don’t stop, make it pop _

Both of you are shit dancers. Cronus is way too enthusiastic, and you’re way too awkward.

_ DJ blow my speakers up tonight _

You giggle as Cronus tries and fails to throw it back on you. It’s weirdly cute.

_ Imma fight till we see the sunlight _

You throw your arms around his neck, planting a kiss on his cheek.

_ Tick tick on the clock _

He spins you around and throws you into a really shitty dip, pretending like he knows how to tango.

_ But the party don’t stop, no _

The two of you spin off the dancefloor until you hit the wall, laughing the whole way. You both slide down to sit on the nasty floor, giving each other a quick peck.

Meulin comes over to you, arms wrapped around Kurloz’s waist. “Kanny! Kurloz and I are gonna go get stoned in the parking lot!”

“Meulin, n-”

“Ooooopsy I don’t have my hearing aids in, byeeeeeeee!” Kurloz smiles and the two of them run off. 

You start to go after them, but Cronus pulls you back down. “Eh, let em go.” You hesitate, but eventually agree. Cronus offers you a hand, and the two of you rejoin the dancefloor, just as Dynamite starts playing. 

The night begins winding down. You, Cronus, Rufioh, and Horuss are sipping punch and talking. 

“Horuss and I are probably gonna dip soon, His dad’s pretty strict about curfew.” Rufioh says.

Cronus chuckles. “That’s a funny way of saying you wanna bone, but be my guest.”

Rufioh and Horuss flush, and you slap your date’s arm. “CRONUS!” 

He laughs. “Fine, fine. We should probably get going too.”

You nod. “Say, where did Porrim and Damara go? I haven’t seen them in a while.”

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure I saw them go into the girl’s bathroom together a while ago. Dunno what they were doing though…” Horuss responds.

You bury your face in your hands. “Omigod two of my best friends are fucking in a school bathroom.”

Cronus pats your back reassuringly. “As is the way of life, Kanny.”

By the time the two of you finally leave, you’re a gay mess. You’re tucked into the crook of Cronus’s arm, hand on his chest, giggling like a drunk college girl. 

The two of you wander through the parking lot, laughing at stupid jokes, and taking breaks to make out against random cars. 

You’re just about to leave when you hear a muffled moan. The two of you turn around to see Meenah Peixes pinning Aranea Serket against her dad’s BMW. Meenah’s wearing a black suit with cat ears, and Aranea’s red and black dress is hitched up almost to her waist.

The four of you have a stare-off before Cronus bursts out laughing. “WHO’S THE HOMO NOW, MEENAH?” He crows, leaning on you for support. 

She flushes a dark brown and releases Aranea. “Sh-shut up! Says the guy who was macking on the new kid from day one!”

The two of them argue some more while you and Aranea awkwardly stare at each other. 

“Does she get like this a lot?” you ask. 

Aranea rolls her eyes. “God, if only you knew.”

Eventually you drag Cronus away, bribing him with a makeout session. They flip each other off and you roll your eyes. 

It doesn’t really matter what your name is. You’re happy, and that’s all that matters. You’ve found someone who makes you happy, happier than you’ve been in a while. Although you know that most high school relationships don’t last, you’re willing to try. 

And goddamn, if that isn’t the best feeling in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WERE DONE shoutout to jules rinehart for being the inspo for this cronus characterization

**Author's Note:**

> oh also the chapstick thing was inspired by the artfulimpersonator vid from forever ago


End file.
